With Thanksgiving less than two weeks away, now is the time to fine tune your guest list and determine who is bringing what. It is also time to start thinking about the day itself. Who will be there and what is going on in your family.
Thanksgiving for me has changed over the years. When I was young, my mom did most of the cooking. My older sister and I usually helped, making the pies and setting the table. We always made mincemeat pie, with the mincemeat straight from the jar with a few glugs of my dad’s whiskey. Our Mormon relatives always asked why our pie tasted so good, and mom always glared at us kids to not say anything. After dinner, Debbie and I fought over who got to lie on the couch and groan. Then we began the long task of hand washing all the silver, china, and crystal…While we had a feast, it was nothing like the feasts I have experienced today. It was a beautiful dinner, but it was somewhat restrained compared to today’s standards.
When we first moved to Oregon, I cooked the entire meal a few times. This took at least two or three days. With a family of three, one of which ate very little, our feast lasted about 20 minutes. After that, we went to my sister Debbie’s house. She and her husband did a fabulous job with Thanksgiving for many years, until Debbie was diagnosed with brain cancer. Brain cancer has a way of changing a lot of things.
There are a few things that come to mind when I think about Thanksgiving. The first is who are we thanking? As a Christian, the answer is simple. I thank God for my blessings. I thank Him for being born in America, and for having the abundance that is an uniquely American experience. If you are not a Christian, I ask you to consider that question. Who do you thank for the abundance we experience? The next question: what are you thankful for? It is a good exercise to think about these things….And lastly, how does that influence your behavior?
When we gather with our family members and their significant people, there is always stress. It is amazing the influence of family. When we talk to our friends about our Thanksgivings, it is very tempting to indulge in gossiping, after just indulging gluttony… “So-and-so brought THAT person”….”I can’t believe how much weight she has gained”…”Those children were SO loud/difficult/horrible/picky eaters/unruly” “ “Can you believe how much so-and-so drank?” “You would drink that much if you were….” We all have difficult people in our families, and some of us ARE the difficult ones who are gossiped about…
With the goal of minimizing my maximizing….both gluttony and gossip, I wrote myself a list. I LOVE lists, but I digress….Here goes:
- I will be well-rested. Nothing makes me grumpier than lack of sleep. This means I won’t prepare too many things. There is always too much food anyway.
- I will remain sober. I don’t think this needs much elaboration, besides it is difficult to see things clearly when you are inebriated.
- I will listen more. I don’t need to share my opinions. We all know I am right. I don’t need to gloat. J
- I will try to see the people who annoy me as God sees them. If I look at the traits that irritate me from a loftier perspective, I think I will be more compassionate and more empathetic.
- I will remember I will eat again tomorrow. I don’t need to eat it all today.
- I will breathe deeply and often.
- I will remember I love all of these people. Those of us who have lost family members know this to be true: there is nothing that softens your heart more than having your heart broken by loss.
- I will be thankful.
- I will bring antacids.
- I will reflect on the beauty of nature. And keep breathing.
So, as I think about which recipe to try this week, just to make sure it is stellar, I will keep my list in mind. I will also keep working on my list of things I am thankful for…This exercise always makes me see the mundane in a new light.
Anne Ivans Home and Family 