I am sitting at my work table in my little home office, drinking a cup of berries and cherries tea. It is from Trader Joe’s and it comes in a lovely tin. Tins are so superior for tea than those horrible paper boxes that make you feel the tea is going stale while you open the box and remove a tea bag. It is as if using the tea just ruins it. With a tin, you feel stability and an understanding of proper engineering by the manufacturer….a proper understanding of the aesthetics of tea…which is a lot about presentation. The tea bags with this tea aren’t really bags at all but tea sachets. The fabric, note, fabric, not paper, is this lovely pearly shiny mesh. It reflects the light in a delightful way. You can see the bits of dried fruits through the white shiny encapsulation. A lovely junction of purpose and elegance.
Well, going home. This assumes you have a home or you came from a home. Some of us grew up in apartments or houses that were not homes. Home implies warmth and acceptance. We all have a past and as adults, we spend a lot of time figuring what that means and how it influences us today. We are framed by our past, just like a building is framed. A building is designed, the land is prepared, the foundation is built, and then the walls and rooms are framed. In the same way, we are framed….which means there was some sort of purpose to that intention. Our “rooms” were designed for some sort of purpose. When I was “framed” my parents communicated different purposes…My mom pushed gaining fulfillment from home-making activities and raising children. While she did not personally find this fulfilling enough on its own, she seemed to think it would be for me. If she was successful, I would be an expert on “home”, as a “home maker”. My dad saw a lot of value in education and in doing things in the corporate world that would make a difference and would give me a sense of achievement and of self worth. While he appreciated motherhood, I don’t think he raised me to make that my legacy. These were my impressions. I may be completely wrong, but this is what I gleaned from what they didn’t say, which was a whole lot.
When I was a child, we lived in increasing larger and larger houses, which were never completely finished. My parents LOVED home improvement projects and they loved to work. My mom loved to design homes and to furnish them. It was her favorite hobby, I think. I didn’t really think about “going home” because I was always there, in the house.
When I would hang out with friends in their homes, I realized some of the things I craved in a home they had, and took for granted. Their moms made fabulous food and things were comfortable and easy. I went back to my house and baked and re-organized, and still never really got that feeling I craved. I knew for sure what I suspected prior to these failed efforts. “Home” is not about the stuff.
When I went to college, and came back to my childhood house, I realized I didn’t fit. I realized I didn’t have a home of my own. I felt nomadic and uncomfortable and lonely. I wondered if I ever would have a home or what that would really look like. I felt pretty nomadic even after I got married; I was just not solitarily nomadic any more. Once I started having children, then I started to purposely build a home.
So, I guess a home implies intentionality. It implies a place where you feel safe and nurtured and welcomed. To make home feel like home to me, it has to be decorated. The apple does not fall far from the tree. It has to be comfortable, in some places. I don’t expect the dining room chairs or all aspects of the home to be comfortable. But, for example, if the dog comes in and no one wipes the mud off of his feet, I don’t think it should be a huge family crisis. Granted, it won’t please me, but it is one of those things I will easily recover from. Home should be comfortable and functional.
When considering functionality, the home is sort of a recovery center from the hard, rough, and disheartening aspects of the world. Home should be where we can relax and be feed. Not just physical food, but feed spiritually and emotionally. An ideal home needs throws that are soft and snuggly. You should be able to put your feet up. It is nice if there is room for solitude and room for togetherness, so togetherness is optional.
Home is the place where you come in all cold and weary, with leaves stuck in your hair, from the blustery wind and rain. Someone kindly removed the leaves, and hangs up your coat. The joys and the trials of the day are discussed around the table where yummy delights are nourishing your body and soul. After dinner, you get that warm drowsy feeling and it is completely acceptable to fall asleep on the couch. Eventually the dishes are done, and all is good in your little part of the world. Tomorrow is soon enough to deal with whatever is going on “out there”.
Next time, I’ll babble about the “going” in “going home”. Thanks for reading!
Anne Ivans Home and Family 